Think it through

Once the fog clears, the work begins.

I blinked and COVID was over.

And then the hard part began.

I had to think through whether or not to stay in the relationship that had grounded me throughout the pandemic, or break up.

Sit in discomfort long enough, and fear reveals itself for what it is: an illusion. And when that illusion fades, something powerful shows up.

Clarity.

But clarity isn’t the reward. It’s the starting line.

From there, a million overwhelming futures collapse into a handful of quiet, obvious paths. And then we can decide which future we want to pull into our present.

We broke up.

Had I only considered the cause and effect of the breakup, we might have stayed together. But that’s just plain old thinking, not thinking it through. Thinking it through requires considering the cause and the effect… and effect… and effect.

I call this the Cause and Domino Effect.

These kids do NOT know how to play dominos.

Consider two possible futures that I considered:

• Stay together → feel no pain → continue investing in a relationship where neither wants to move across the country → break up → feel worse pain.

• Break up → feel pain → heal → make myself emotionally available for a relationship with someone who lives in the same city → fall in love again.

Don’t play dominos? Imagine that life is a game of chess.

Don’t play chess? Just—look, I dunno, shut up and listen for a second: if your opponent puts you in check and you immediately react with the first counter-move you can think of—it might be a good move.

But is it a great move?

Is it the best move?

Drink a milkshake for dinner → too much dairy → sit in some real discomfort on the toilet all night long.¹

So we need to consider the Cause and Domino Effect. But we also need something else:

Time.

And space.

And no one will ever hand you time or space willingly. You’re going to have to make them for yourself. Doing so says this: I accept the reality that I have to think through a decision and I refuse to fall into the trap of believing it’s urgent.

True, some things are urgent.

Like if you’re a brain surgeon and accidentally snip an artery.

Most things aren’t urgent.

That false sense of urgency comes from the silly notion that if we just react our way through life—making quick decision after quick decision without thinking it through—we’ll be able to do it all.

We will never do it all.

And actually, what a relief. We shouldn’t be aiming for an impossible goal. That “shoot for the moon land among the stars” bullshit? It’s bullshit. Probably written by a monk in the 1500s. I bet he never even went to the moon lol

So we’re going to create more time and space for ourselves to think it through. Because when we do, we make better decisions.

“Go fuck yourself urgency.” —Frida Kahlo, or so a friend told me one time.

The truth is that what gets you ahead is playing life like it’s chess—while everyone else is still playing checkers.²

Make time. Make space. Make moves. And no matter what happens, own your impact.

But we’ll get to that. For now, just think it through.

1. Or so a friend told me one time.

2. There you go kids, three game analogies in one post!