Two ways to experience people

The line between authentic presence and strategic performance, and how others subconsciously respond to each.

You can be in the presence of another person because they have something you need—maybe it’s something simple like validation or maybe it’s something more complicated like a job. This puts you in the position to tailor your responses to persuade them to give it to you.

You agree a bit harder at their opinions.

You laugh a bit harder at their jokes.

You dress a bit harder in their aesthetic.

Unfortunately, this rarely works because people are aware, sensitive, and allergic to agendas—especially when there’s a sense that they’re not in alignment with their needs.

OR you can just simply delight in the fact that you’re in their presence, and that they’re in yours. Delight comes from presence. From never picking up your phone. From having the courage to not zone out. From generating your desire to listen from the place of your mind that genuine curiosity resides. From actively engaging in the conversation by mentioning that thing you read the other day that’s related. From being willing to show up as yourself. From having the courage to be disliked if showing up as yourself isn’t their cup of tea.

This is more natural.

And less pressurizing.

No expectations.

And ironically, that’s the kind of person people want to say yes to—someone who’s delightful.